I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
