Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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