I think I died a long time ago.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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