When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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