oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
