Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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