My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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