it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The air was thick with penises
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
