Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
