I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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