I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
