He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
