she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
