I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize