Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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