what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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