Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
