I'm lost and stupid without you.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
