Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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