he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
you made out with another girl for some wings
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
