I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
