An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
