That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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