she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
