I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
