My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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