I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
