Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
