Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
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Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Drake has all the answers
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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