I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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