Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
