I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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