i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
