Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
