i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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