Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
