I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
