If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
