In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
