can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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