just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
