how can u be prego again
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
