he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
