Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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