Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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