Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
