nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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