She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
