just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
