so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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