Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
