Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
third nipple confirmed
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
