He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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