Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
