and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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