wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
