Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I can text with my tongue
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
