That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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