i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
3 2 1 whiskey
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize