His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
