Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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