Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm passing your future prison.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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