Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
