went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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