Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I smell stomach acid.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
