stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
